The Winsome Wife

And Barb discovered what we had
the privilege of discovering, I guess, firsthand last year
at the Shepherds Conference. There is a gentleman who has
taken a lot of the old hymns and put them to new music. And that is certainly one of
the ones that we have just been blessed and encouraged to rediscover. I appreciated also Dan’s words
of humility at reading God’s Word. And Dan, I would just say
that if that’s humbling, wait till you try to preach it. Because
as I’ve said before, sometimes people will greet me at the back
door and they say, you know, you stepped all over my toes
today. Well, I’m the one whose toes get stepped on first and
even foremost, because to preach these things is weighty indeed. That said, I want to just I don’t
even mind that it’s on the CD. And if the CD starts to smoke,
you’ll know why the words before us are difficult
words and they are unpopular words. And it’s kind of a distressing thing
for me as a pastor. And I’m talking to you just out
of the shepherd’s heart right now. The way that I often pray
for Sunday morning and for our attendance is that God would
bring in everyone that he would have to be here. And so what
causes me distress is not that, but once the people have arrived
to know that there are people that God left out. And I know
that it’s icy and I know that there’s things and there are
always a thousand excuses not to be here. And there’s really only a few
that prompt us to be here. It’s amazing to me as a pastor
to look back over on the landscape of preaching and to be working
through something that you know in your heart during the week
will feed someone’s soul. And it is almost uncanny that
the very people that you know would be blessed by the word
are absent come the day of the preaching of it. These are not
easy things for me to preach, but they are necessary things
because they are the next things on our plate. Invariably, in
addition to those that are absent for some of the preaching of
these things, and I don’t single out anybody, I could say the
same thing on any given Sunday. But invariably, the very things
that people miss, they’ll come to me and they’ll want counseling
and it’ll be this big issue. And now it’s a crisis when the
very means of avoiding the crisis is here for us in His Word. And
what a blessing we have in His Word and what a privilege we
have. If you would take your Bibles and turn to the next verse
in our study of Peter’s great epistle, 1 Peter chapter 3 and
verse 1. There’s plenty of room in your
bulletins today for notes where you’ll find the passage, at least
the portion that we’ll be looking at today in full. But so that you can get the context,
I wanted to have you take your Bibles and turn again to 1 Peter
chapter 3. In 1 Peter 3, Peter continues,
as we’ve talked about for the last few weeks, he continues
a context that he had begun already. Remember, we are in the long
stream of talking about submission. which I will make the case in
a moment, advances not just in chapter 2, but carries through
chapter 2, through chapter 3, and you see elements of it woven
throughout the rest of Peter’s epistle. The context, though, is upholding
our witness. And Peter says that if we are
going to uphold our witness, we must be subject. We must be
submissive. This particular week, we find
ourselves addressing one particular audience. First Peter, chapter
three, beginning in verse one. In the same way, you wives be
submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are
disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by
the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and
respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be
merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry
or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the
heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way, in the
former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to
adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus,
Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you have become
her children if you do what is right without being frightened
by any fear.” Now, I told you the purpose is that we maintain
a witness. That was Peter’s purpose from
the very start of his epistle. And in this evil day in which
this first century church found themselves, the greatest persecution
the church has ever seen Peter and his admonition to the church
was to uphold their witness, not to be cowed or swayed by
the spirit of the day, but to uphold their witness in all things.
Now, the means of doing so, as I said, is submission. Look at
chapter two, verse 13. This is where the whole theme
started, right? submit yourselves.” And we saw
that it was something that we must take upon ourselves and
do. It’s not just a matter that we
are under someone’s thumb. It’s not just a matter of being
underneath someone else. It is a matter of willingly subjecting
ourselves to someone else. Peter said it this way, submit
yourself for the Lord’s sake. That means that in some way,
shape or form, the Lord is the one who gets the glory from this
activity. Submit yourself for the Lord’s
sake to every human institution. And he says it as broadly as
he can say it. There are countless ways, countless
arenas in life wherein we are to be submitted. And he mentions
only a few here, whether to a king or whether to governors. And
he just paints with this broad brush. the arenas in which it’s
possible for us to be submitted. He goes on from there. And as
we’ve talked about in verse 18, look at this. The servants. Servants
are to emulate the servant, the greatest servant who has ever
come, who took on human flesh, who went as far as dying on the
cross for us. This is our model for what suffering
as a servant is. From there, Peter advances into
the very passage that we’ve just read. He addresses wives. But
in that same context, and I’ll take this when we take it, husbands. Husbands, too, in some sense
are to be submitted. There is to be a willing mutual
submission. And I’ll make that argument from
Ephesians 5 as well. When we get there, their turn
is coming, ladies. In case he missed anybody, verses
8-12 address all people, all believers, certainly. In chapter
4, verse 1, turn there. In chapter 4, you have an entire
chapter that is devoted to suffering. So you have that to look forward
to. First of all, you have suffering and sanctification in verses
1-6. We are to be growing in Christlikeness. We are to be
advancing in our holiness. In verses 1-6, talk about that
crucible of suffering that produces that sanctification. Chapter
7-11 talks about suffering and serving. Serving isn’t difficult. That’s what serving is. Serving is inconvenient. Chapter
4, verse 12-14 talks about suffering and trials. And that’s what trials
are. They bring about true suffering. Peter talks about how to endure
those by submitting oneself, entrusting oneself as it is from
15 through 19. Chapter 5, verses 1 through 6,
you would think that Peter addresses an entirely new subject and that
now we’re done with this whole idea of submitting because now
he turns his attention to shepherding. And yet, in verses 5 and 6, he
calls the young men in the church, which is always the source of
enthusiastic and sometimes trouble, he calls these young men to submission. In chapter 5, verses 8-11, you
have this closing address of suffering, Satan, and the place
to turn for help, that is, grace. The grace of God. And so, as
I said, I’m not making it up as I go. To me, the subject was
introduced in chapter two, but it carries through the entire
rest of the epistle. It’s just here. It applies to
one specific group, two wives. If you would turn back to chapter
three, verse one, where Peter begins this section by saying
in the same way, And he clearly points back the same way as those
that are to submit to kings and governors, the same way that
servants are to submit to their earthly masters, the same way,
as he’ll say in a moment, that husbands are to have this mutual
kind of submission to their wives. Nevertheless, he says, in the
same way, you wives be submissive. In first century Christianity,
You were talking about a culture where wives were almost on the
level of cattle. They were essentially property. They had almost no rights. And
so Peter’s concern is that when a Christian woman was converted,
that compared to her previous servitude, essentially the level
of servitude that she was in, that she might be tempted in
this newfound freedom to begin to encroach a little, to take
some liberties that previously weren’t hers. The wife perhaps
might think that now is the opportunity to manifest a new kind of superiority
or a new level of rights. And Peter didn’t want them to
go beyond what God would have them. There’s no doubt. As John Rogers, the Puritan,
said that God has made man and women in many things equal. Yet in wisdom, he thought it
necessary to make some little inequality. and appointed the
husband to be the superior in head and so to rule and for the
wife to be subjected to him.” That is the position of this
passage. It is God’s order that wives
be subject, John Rogers said, as it is the order that the sun
should shine, that the earth bear fruit, that the heavens
cover us. Now, you could say that this
is all part of the fall and that up to the fall, there was this
total equality. And yet, if you look in the garden,
Clearly, even in paradise, there was an order of things. Man was
made first and then the woman and woman was made to be Adam’s
helper. There was clearly an order there,
even in the garden. Spiritually speaking, there’s
no doubt that woman is now equal with man. They are on the same
footing, spiritually speaking. They have the same rights and
privileges. They have the same gifts and graces that men do.
Women, said one, are spiritually equal to men, it’s clear from
Galatians 3.27. For all of you who are baptized
into Christ, you have clothed yourself with Christ. There is
neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither slave nor free.
There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ
Jesus. And so spiritually speaking,
God has put us all on a level plane. We have no more right
to heaven as men than does the Jew. God has ordained, nevertheless,
women to have certain obligations to their husband. That’s God’s
design. And Peter identifies it here
as submission and faithfulness and modesty, as is articulated
in the remainder of the passage. Now, you think about it, in many
ways, women are superior. And here’s where you women can
begin to sharpen your elbows in advance in preparation for
the things to come for the men. Women, as one said, are superior
in sympathy, in delicacy of sentiment. They feel things that we’re just
blockheads to, right? In warmth of devotion, in moral
heroism. You know what? If there’s a problem
in the church, if there’s someone suffering in the church, the
men, you know, in a week’s time will think about it. And then
we begin to pray. Come to find out the women have
already organized meals. They’ve already ministered to
the sick and the suffering. And here we are thinking of what
we might do. They are superior in that sense.
In moral heroism, in power and patience of self-denial. I mean,
take your average classroom, look at it and look at who those
are superior. I mean, I learned it in sixth
grade. There are the females just buckle down and devote themselves
to self-discipline much more naturally than do the boys. That doesn’t excuse you, by the
way. Still, The obedience that is admonished here by the apostle
sits gracefully, as one said, upon the woman and is in harmony
with all that is fair and feminine in her position and temperament.
This doesn’t make you a lesser person. This is part of your
person. This is part of your glory as
a woman. This is part of the scriptures
teaching the inspired Scriptures teaching on what it means to
be a woman. The Apostle Paul taught it as
well. The Apostle Paul said that the wives are to submit to their
husband’s leadership. Submission here doesn’t imply
moral or intellectual or spiritual inferiority, whether it’s in
the family or the workplace or society in general. I’ll talk
more about that in a moment, but I want to take you to three
essentially parallel passages. I’m going to ask you to exercise
your fingers a little bit. We’ll look at these passages
because I’ll dip in and out of them as we go. Turn first to
Ephesians chapter 5. This isn’t just Peter being a
sexist and even though he was a married man, advancing notions
that God would not have had him to. This is Peter operating in
the realm of the Spirit, advancing exactly what God would have him
to teach on the matter. Ephesians chapter 5. We’ll come
back again here when we talk about the husband. But I want
to put this in its context. And in order to do so, I want
you to go to verse 15 of chapter five. Therefore, be careful how
you walk. Isn’t that the same context that
we face here in Ephesians? Or rather, in 1 Peter? Isn’t
that the same concern that’s in the Apostle Peter’s mind?
Be careful how you walk. Be careful of your witness. Watch
out for your testimony. Be careful how you walk, not
as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time because
the days are evil. We have a testimony to maintain
for a purpose. The salvation of souls. So then,
do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled
with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns
and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart
to the Lord. By the way, I don’t think that has anything to do
necessarily with a worship service. He’s talking about how we relate
to one another in the highways and byways of life. How do we
relate to one another on a day-to-day basis? Not necessarily in the
worship service. Always giving thanks for all
things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the
Father, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
And here comes that word. This is something that we’re
all supposed to do to one another. We ought to create almost a bottleneck
at every door, deferring to one another as to who goes first
through the door. Be subject to one another. There
is to be a mutual submission to one another, a godly humility
that is present and evident among us. Nevertheless, Paul turns
to address the wives first in verse 22. And I’ve told you before,
the verb isn’t even there. The verb isn’t even there. Be
subject. He just says wives to your own
husbands. He applies it here first. This is the first place
where Paul turns to apply this whole issue of being subject.
But the verb isn’t even there in verse 22. Wives to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And what a glorious
model he uses for the home. Christ and his love for the church. He Himself being the Savior of
the body. But as the church is subject
to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands
in everything. So there is no equivocation on
Paul’s part. He doesn’t use the verb in verse
22, but it’s there. It’s certainly implied. And he
goes on to advance it. And even to underscore the necessity
of submission, godly submission of the wife. Turn, if you would,
to Colossians. Two books to the right. Colossians
chapter 3. And I want to set the context
here as well. And in order to do so, look at
Colossians 3 verse 17. Whatever you do. Well, that pretty
much covers it, doesn’t it? That means sit up and take notice,
because whoever you are and whatever you’re engaged in, he’s got an
admonition for you that is going to carry you. Whatever you do
in word or indeed, now it’s even more clear. Whatever you do in
word or indeed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving
thanks through him to God the Father. This echoes Paul’s great
thought, glorify God in all that you do, right? In all that we
do. There is to be a thought of God
and a thought of how we can advance God’s Kingdom. And it’s in that
context that he turns immediately to the wives and he says, wives,
be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. You know
what he says there? It’s appropriate. It’s the right
thing. This is what God wants. Turn,
if you would, to Titus. Titus chapter 2. This isn’t just a Peter thought. This is a God thought that both
Peter and Paul are advancing here. And in the great section
here on how those are to conduct themselves in the church, you
know how it goes. First, Paul addresses the elder
there, Titus, and then he talks about older women and older women
and younger women and younger men. And in case he misses anybody,
he talks about servants last. But here he’s talking in verse
3 to older women. What is his admonition to them?
Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior,
not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is
good. That’s to be the general conduct
of older women in the church. And I always let you pick who
you are when you reach that point. Why are they supposed to be this
way? Paul states it right plainly
in verse 4, that they may encourage the young women. And basically
what Paul says here is he’s not asking the younger women to be
anything that they haven’t seen modeled. We’ll come back to that
thought in a moment. That they may encourage the young
women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be
sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their
own husbands. Now, mind you, you have people
that say, yes, this is good for the young women. But for those
who are advanced in age and mature in Christ, boy, they don’t. And
trust me, it gets more difficult as time goes by to carry out
this submission. And you actually have people
that say that older women are excused from this because the
command here is to younger women. Yes, it makes sense for those
who are at home caring for babies, but not for me. I’ve got a career.” Well, Paul says here that he’s
basically wanting to use these older women as a model to love
their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at
home, kind, being subject to their own husbands. He’s asking
them to model this for the young women. Why? Look at this argument. So that
the Word of God may not be dishonored. Do you get the air of testimony
that Paul is alluding to there? Testimony is always and should
always be at the forefront of our mind. Just like in Peter.
Just like in Ephesians. That’s what he says. That submission is part of our
calling in Christ. Submission in various realms
is unavoidable. And in order to have a good sound
testimony, it is absolutely imperative that we be subject, we be submitted,
that we yield ourselves. This word submissive, you know,
some people count it as a four letter word. It’s not quite that
short. It just means literally to be
submitted, to be subject, to rank under. That’s how it’s used
in Scripture. You’re not going to be able to
write fast enough, but 1 Peter 3.5, it’s used of the godly women
of old. 1 Peter 5.5, of the young men
toward their elders in the church. In Luke 2.51, it’s used of Christ
to his earthly parents. In Luke 10.17, it’s used of the
apostles being subject, rather the demons being subject to the
apostles. Good thing I corrected that one.
In Romans 8.7, it says that the natural heart cannot submit itself
to God’s law. In 10.3 of Romans, the natural
heart cannot submit itself to the righteousness of God. In
Romans 13.1 and many other places in Scripture, we are called to
subject ourselves to the governing authorities. Titus 3.1 as well. In 1 Corinthians 14, it’s said
that the women in the church are to be subject. In 1 Corinthians
15, it says that all things have been subject to Christ. That’s
how the word is used. It is rank and order. It is placing
oneself willingly underneath another. That’s the bottom line,
what it means. As one commentator said, the
sum of a woman’s duty to her husband is subjection. which
consists in a reverent esteem of Him, not as unto God. You’re not worshiping Him, but
as one placed by the Lord in a degree of superiority over
Her. And that produces a reverent
speaking of Him and to Him and giving obedience to His commands
in all things lawful. We’ll come back to that thought
in a moment. This subordination is one of function. It’s not
one of quality. It doesn’t mean that you’re a
lesser person. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have plenty to
offer to this relationship. This submission is not one of
absolute, unlimited or slavish subjection. But it’s a loving subordination
in order to prevent disorder and disarray in the home. There’s
a willfulness to this subjection on the heart of the woman. How does it apply? What does
it look like in the home? What does it look like in the
family? The wives should think well of
their husbands. Well, there’s a start. I hear the most ridiculous, harsh
criticisms spoken at times by wives. What happened? Whatever happened? We talked
from time to time. We talked to one another about
thinking the best of one another. What about starting in the home
and thinking the best? The wives should think well of
their husbands. They should speak becomingly
to them and respectfully of them. The wife should take care of
the family and family affairs according to the husband’s will.
That means if the husband picks a particular direction for the
family, the wife supports that in all that she does. She doesn’t
undercut and undermine and thwart those efforts. She should imitate
him in what is good and bear with that which is not so agreeable. Ladies, you don’t have to convince
me that these guys aren’t perfect. I could probably tell you a few
things.” He goes on, does John Gill, and
say, she should not curiously inquire into his business, but
leave the management of it to him. And that’s not to say that
she doesn’t take a healthy interest in what he does, but she doesn’t
take this doubtful, inquisitive, challenging approach to what
he does in his life. She should help him and assist
him in caring and providing for the family. There’s your Proverbs
31 woman. And she should abide with him
in prosperity and adversity. There’s your marriage vows. And
do nothing without his will and consent. I’ve heard of the most
deceitful, devious things being done behind husbands backs. Where
is the willful submission there? I believe that it’s an act of
God’s kindness. As one pastor said, in his kindness
toward womanhood, the Lord fully realizing that within the family,
much of the care of the children would rest on the wife. He has
been pleased not to overburden her. You should dance your way
out of the church today knowing that you’re not in charge of
everything in the home. And that God has portioned that
out so that you have the care of the children and the husband
has the overall responsibility for how the home is conducted.
It’s a burden. He goes on and says, hence, he
has placed the ultimate responsibility with respect to the household
upon the shoulders of her husband. And so, there’s obedience that
we’re called to, ladies. We’re all called to obedience.
And it is always, for a Christian, supposed to be a willful obedience.
Here, for the wives, the wife is to recognize in the capacity,
in the husband’s capacity as her head, the husband is so closely
united to her and has her interests so dear in his heart that this
submission, this willful submission is an easy, joyful thing. It is not submission as one said
to a rigorous lord or an absolute tyrant who may do his will without
restraints. I have counseled women that separation
for a time is perfectly okay. You’re not called to stand in
a corner and be beaten by a man. There are times where you need
to extract yourself by God’s design out of that situation. And we’ll talk more about what
the extent of this submission is in a moment. But to her own
husband who stands in the nearest relation to her and is under
strict engagements to proper duty of his own. These wives
must not be bitter against them. These men may not use their wives
unkindly with harsh language or severe treatment. They must
be kind and obliging to them in all things. We’ll get to husbands.
Don’t worry, we’ll get to husbands. Ladies, wives, in this particular
arena of life, you are called to godly submission. And what
Peter lays out for us here in the remainder of this passage
is three features of this godly submission that clarify for you
exactly what it is you’re called to as a wife. I want you to go
back to the passage, if you would. in the same way you wives be
submissive to your own husbands.” What a glorious clarification
this is. Because this parks this submission
in the sphere, in the context of a marriage. It doesn’t mean
that women as women are subservient and to be subject to all men.
What chaos, what ungodly chaos you would have in that sense.
If you are under a man at work, then you are to be submitted
to him. If you are the boss at work,
this issue does not apply. It’s in the home. It’s in the
context of marriage. It’s by that design that you
are called. And in that sense, it softens
this rule of subjection. It is to be only to your own
husbands, not to others. The fact that Peter here refers
particularly to their own husbands indicates the intimacy of marriage. It’s to your own precious husband
that God has provided for you. And I know there’s times where
you forget to think like that. We give you every opportunity
to forget that. But it indicates that intimacy
that God has provided. And it points out that Peter
here is not dictating that women should be servile to men in every
context. The duty of this submission is
based on that tenderness, that special relationship, the exclusiveness
of the relationship which your own implies. It’s to your own
husband that God has provided. It’s to him and to him only that
you are called into this relationship. No one else. In the first century
of Christianity, I’d say it was easier in that
day and age than it is in ours. Because for at least the last
30 years, women have heard that they are not to be subjected.
That to do so is to lose yourself lose your dignity, lose your
purpose, certainly lose your career. I don’t think any of
that is implied here in what Peter says. This is a pure thing.
This is a lovely thing. This is a good and godly thing
that God calls you to hear. The second feature. of Godly
submission, not only the limits of a wife’s submission. Did I
even tell you that? Those are the limits of a wife’s
submission. That’s how far we take it. Secondly, the extent of a wife’s
submission. How far does this go? Because
you don’t even know who I’m married to. Oh, really? The extent of a wife’s submission
Look at the passage again, in the same way you wives be submissive
to your own husband, so that even if, even if any of them
are disobedient to the word, they may be one. You know what this tells me?
That little word, if, is the worst case scenario. I believe
that he has in focus the godly home. that in the very best case,
what he’s saying, that women should be submitted to their
godly husbands. But even in the worst case, even
in the case where the guy is a heathen, even if he falls into some kind
of disobedience to the Word, even if he has these warts that
he can’t seem to rid himself of as a Christian, even if he
has these shortcomings, these misgivings, what have you, even
still. One Puritan said that the wickedness
and disobedience to the gospel of any married person, however
it may draw themselves under the curse of God, does neither
lose the relation nor exempt the other party from their duty.
Do you hear what he says? No amount of shortcomings, no
misgivings, no foul tempers, no bad habits exempt you from
the relationship. That’s not grounds for divorce
that he clips his toenails on the couch. In the society of first century
Christianity, when women were viewed as Inferior to men, husbands
had a kind of legal authority over their wives, didn’t they?
Society basically regarded women as servants who were to stay
home and just obey their husbands, and they had no life, no say
so, no role really. I love the way Thomas Taylor,
the great Puritan, put it. He said, some will plead that
they are yoked to foolish Nabals. You know the story. Abigail and
Nabal and his name literally means fool. And I get this all the time when
I counsel and it usually goes like this, I’m just struggling.
I know that divorce is wrong, but you just you don’t know.
You just don’t know who I’m married to. Oh, yeah, I do. Yeah, I’ve
read all about him. And you know what? There’s a part of him in every
one of us. In fact, there’s more of him in most of us than there
should be, but it’s there. And you married us. Some will
plead that they are yoked to foolish Nabels. Others are matched
to those who never consider their pains and kindness. And I get
that one all the time, too. You know, he just doesn’t realize
what I do. Others would love their husbands if it were not
so much for such and such a bad quality, and others are tied
to conceited persons who are unfit to govern. That’s always
a good one. He’s not a leader in our home, so I will not submit. Oh. But against all these reasonings,
which are indeed unreasonable for they are against God’s ordinance,
consider. You may and must consider young
ladies, this is for you. You may and must consider before
your marriage, whether he is a wise man or a fool. But after
he is your husband. And if so, you must be subject
to him, though he be a fool and you be wiser than he, yet you
may seek no rule, but remember your place. You may prevent his harm by your
goodness, wisdom, counsel and persuasion, as Abigail did, as
for his unworthiness, whatever it may be in your eyes, yet the
Lord does not deprive him of his worthiness to rule over you. Regardless of what you think
of him, It doesn’t destroy his position,
doesn’t take away his position, his God given position. As for
his unfitness, he cannot be so as so unfit as to you as you
are to govern him. In other words, he says this
doesn’t break God’s design. You were chosen to be a help
to him and not a head. Peter warns there in that little
section about the defiance, the ungodly, unreasonable defiance
just based merely upon his shortcomings as a husband. And ultimately,
Peter says, even if the man is disobedient to the word, even
if he’s an ungodly sinner, you’re to submit. That doesn’t mean
that you obey Him in ungodliness. It doesn’t mean that if He commands
you to do something illegal, you do it. If He tells you not
to pray, you must pray. If He tells you not to go to
church, you must go to church. If He tells you not to read your
Bible, you must read your Bible. If He commands you to cheat on
your taxes, you must abstain. But in the things that are lawful,
even this unreasonable, harsh, ungodly man If that’s the marriage
that God has placed you in, that you willfully chose, that’s where
you are. I’ve given you a grand hint. In fact, I’ve filled in the blank
for you, even though there’s still a blank in the third and
final feature of godly submission. Not only the limits of a wife’s
submission and the extent of a wife’s submission, but thirdly,
the goal of a wife’s submission. What’s it all about? What do
I get? What do we gain? Look again at
the passage. You wives be submissive to your
husband so that there’s the purpose, even if any of them are disobedient
to the word, they may be one without a word. By the behavior of their wives
as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Wives that have good husbands
are called to be subject to them. But even if they’re bad husbands,
bad guys, unkind, unspiritual, they’re still called to be subject
to these men that they’ve married because of the marriage, because
of God’s design. And the whole purpose, it’s not
purposeless, the whole design is that the man might have his
life reformed Either those little sins and struggles that he engages,
perhaps you’ve got a Christian man that continues to struggle
with various and sundry things. In very many ways, he’s a fool
and your desire, your goal, your aim has got to be reform in his
life. You should pray for him every
day. It’s not wrong to do so. It’s not wrong to identify it
as foolish behavior. It’s wrong not to submit, as
we talked about. Ultimately, if you’re married
to a heathen, if you’re married to a man that doesn’t know and
love God, the ongoing desire for him is his ultimate reform,
reform by God, his salvation. And if the ultimate goal of your
heart is not the ongoing reform of your husband, even his salvation,
that there is something wrong with your heart, ladies. Remember
what we say often of Richard Baxter. Richard Baxter said of
sin, pretend not to love them if you hate not their sin and
seek not their salvation. Is there any place more than
the home that that is appropriate? Shouldn’t it begin in our home
to love them in such a way that we seek to have sin eradicated
from their lives? Shouldn’t that be so of a parent
and their children? Shouldn’t that spill over into
the church and become a contagious thing that, you know what, brother,
I don’t want you to do this. I love you too much to stand
by and watch this behavior. But shouldn’t that be modeled
in the home? It should. And so what great tactic does
God give you for waging this battle against the sinful foolishness
of this man that you’re yoked to? Without a word. Now, mind you, this isn’t a tactic
here that’s usually employed, is it? By the looks of things,
you would think that God’s Word admonished wives to talk these
men completely to death. Right? To harangue them, harass
them, berate them, argue with them, belittle them, chide them,
opine to them, discuss with them, deride them, pester them, annoy
them, lecture them, criticize them, rant to them, squabble,
quarrel, bicker. Is that what God’s Word admonishes
you to do? No, it says without a word. What
an incredible concept this is. And what he talks about is the
power of your testimony, the power of the testimony of your
lives. I remember one of the most convicting
things my wife ever said. She said, that’s just not becoming
of you. She didn’t pull out chapter and
verse. She said, you know what? This
doesn’t fit. A Christian woman would have
a difficult time convincing a pagan husband. And it’s no less true
today than it was in first century Christianity. And to sit there
and, you know, leave tracks. This is the usual tactic, right?
Leave tracks all over the place and books and this and that.
And to carpet his sins at every turn. This is Peter under the inspiration
of the Holy Spirit that says, you know what? He’s not saying
the word is not powerful. Because he admonished us to go
to the Word and feast upon the Word, to long for the pure milk
of the Word as the means of growth. But he says, you know, there
is a powerful testimony here in the wives’ testimony. The
wives’ godly behavior is the most powerful testimony, said
one pastor, to open the husband’s heart to the gospel. He’s looking
at how you live. He’s looking at how you love
the children and love Him and serve others. He’s watching everything
you do. And he will need to hear the
words of salvation ultimately, maybe even from her, that it
will be as he is able to observe her submission as a faithful
wife, that she truly commends the gospel to him. You know what?
Remember years ago, we’ve all heard the saying. I heard it
years ago, saw it on the wall at a Kinko’s. No one cares how
much you know until they know how much you care. And never
is that more true than in the home. Right, ladies? As they observe the behavior
of your wives. Pardon me. Let me go back. They
may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as
they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Wives, you’ve got to remember.
You’ve got to remember that you have a weapon of God in the testimony,
the life that you live before your husband, whether he’s saved
with sinful habits or whether he is still in the bonds of his
sin. You have a powerful weapon in
the life that you live as a Christian woman, a godly woman. And a lovely, gracious, submissive
attitude is, as one said, the most effective evangelistic tool
that believing lives have. Do you believe that? Let’s examine
our hearts, ladies. O merciful God, If we had no more than Genesis
3, we would think that creation was
destined for chaos and difficulty and heartache. But as Scripture
unfolded, as your plan of redemption carried out, as more counsel
and advice came, Lord, we have seen the hope that we have We
thank you for the godly women of this congregation and others
who have modeled these things for us in times past. We thank
you for the godly women of Scripture who are cited here as examples. We thank you for the progress
made in some of our own homes toward this end. And we plead
for those who need your grace here. to apply these things to
their own heart, that first they would be reformed
and then their own husbands might be changed by your grace as they
see their wives’ behavior. Lord God, grant us this mercy
as a church. Grant us this mercy in our homes
that we might have a great testimony here in this city. Be glorified, we pray, in our
homes, in the lives that our wives lead. For your glory, in
Jesus’ name, Amen.