Til Death Do Us Part

If God’s people would take their
Bibles once again and turn to first Corinthians chapter 7.
First Corinthians chapter 7. There was any area. Where the
Corinthian Christians needed instruction. It was on the subject
of marriage. Most of these converts to Christianity
had been raised in the heathen culture in which they still lived. They had been, for their entire
lives, really immersed in that immoral, godless culture. Nowhere was that more evident
than in the realm of marriage. Premarital adultery was unbridled. And as we’ve heard over the course
of the past few weeks, immorality was unchecked, even sanctioned
and celebrated. Divorce was commonplace and freely
accepted. And so for a newly reborn child
of God, finding one’s moorings into a Christian morality was
exceedingly difficult. The world the ungodly culture
out of which they were saved, pulled and pressed and fought
against every inclination to emulate Christ in his ways. As
the great hymn writer Isaac Watts, one of my personal heroes, he
lamented rhetorically, is this vile world a friend to grace
to help me on to God? that from his hymn, am I a soldier
of the cross. Of course, this world will not,
indeed cannot, aid or benefit or help the believer to be more
like Christ. And for the Corinthians, in no
area was the conflict so violent as in things pertaining to morality
and marriage. As we saw two weeks ago, Paul
opens his consideration of a Christ-centered marriage with a radical admonition
about husband-wife relations. There in those opening five verses,
Paul ordered that because of immoralities, because of the
tendency for men and women to fall into sexual sin, each man
is to have his own wife, each woman her own husband. And not
just to have one another in the sweet bonds of marriage, but
to enjoy the blessing of marital relations joyfully and plentifully. But not all are called to marriage.
And Paul quickly, in verses six through nine, turns his attention
to the subject of singleness. Neither is that state for everyone,
but only for those who are called to it. Singleness is contingent
upon the call and gifting of God a God-given ability to exercise
self-control over passions so as to remain single. But, unfortunately,
especially for those living in first century Greek culture,
no discussion of marriage would be complete without a discussion
of divorce. And that is no less true today.
As we’ve noted over the past several weeks, Paul may have
even had the list of questions that the Corinthians presented
to him laying on the table before him as he wrote to them. And
they almost certainly asked questions pertaining to divorce, such as,
since my husband is unsaved, may I end my marriage? so that
I can pursue and enjoy my newfound faith in Christ? Or perhaps they
asked simply, is it wrong to divorce even if my spouse abandons
me? These were some of the questions
that might have been posed to Paul. questions with which the
Corinthians were wrestling, but they’d at least come to the right
source, their father in the faith, the apostle Paul. And how could
he not speak to their significant line of questions pertaining
to marriage and divorce and singleness? But ultimately, Paul will caution
here once again about adultery. He’s already spoken about premarital
adultery, We know about that. He’s also spoken of marital adultery,
extramarital affairs. We know about that, too. But
here in verses 10 through 16, Paul addresses a third kind of
adultery, a form of adultery that we do not often, if ever,
even consider. And so I would call it divorce
prompted adultery. That is adultery, sexual immorality
that is induced, caused by, brought about through divorce. Divorce prompted adultery. How could Paul not address that? Indeed he must and he does in
verses 10 through 16. If you would, read along with
me just in those short few verses. But to the married, I give instructions,
not I but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband.
But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled
to her husband, and that the husband should not divorce his
wife. But to the rest, I say, not the
Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and
she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And
a woman who has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live
with her, he must not send her away. For the believing husband
is sanctified through the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified
through her believing husband. For otherwise your children are
unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves,
let him leave. The brother or sister is not
under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?
Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
Now in that section, let me just back away and tell you that in
that section on divorce, verses 10 through 16, Paul really talks
about three different divorce scenarios here. The first in
verses 10 and 11, it’s the question of divorce between two believers,
two married believers. In verses 12 through 14, the
question there that’s posed is of a question of a believer married
to an unbeliever, but one who desires to stay in the marriage. And then the final section is
the question of a believer married to an unbeliever who leaves. Those are the three scenarios
regarding divorce that Paul will speak to here in this section,
and we’ll consider them all over the next few weeks. But first
we want to consider verses 10 and 11. The question of divorce
between two married believers, and shockingly, a case of what
I would suggest is divorce prompted adultery. And so we need to talk
about this divorce prompted adultery. This is Paul’s primary concern
here in this passage. Not whether there is a case for
divorce. And if so, what is the cause?
That is when divorce is justified, Paul’s not going to deal with
that here. But divorce prompted adultery,
that’s his main concern. That’s his first and foremost
concern, and so let’s consider those verses now if we could. I’ve titled the message, Till
Death Do Us Part. Those words taken obviously from
the very traditional marriage vows. Many of us have uttered
those words or similar words. And so Paul takes the opportunity
to speak of Christian marriage. He’s talking and giving instruction
to married Christians. And so the first. The first thing that he addresses
in this. Answer to two married believers
is the instructions given the instructions given We find those
in verse 10 and the very end of verse 11 Paul says to the
married I give instructions and I just want to give you the simple
sentence here What are those instructions to the married?
I give instructions that the wife should not leave her husband
And at the very end of verse 11, the husband should not divorce
his wife. At the core, that’s the instruction
that Paul wants to give. Paul turns his attention hereby
to the married, but not to just any two married people. He’s
writing to the church, the church in Corinth. He’s writing to believers,
and so here he’s talking first and foremost about a Christian
marriage, a marriage of two believers. Paul, as a Christian teacher,
is writing to Christians on the subject of marriage. How do we
know that they’re both believers? Well, it’s a bit of, a construct
here, but if you would look at verse 12, there Paul says, but
to the rest. And the question that comes to
our mind is the rest of who? Well, in verses 12 through 14,
Paul is discussing a brother, a Christian who is married to
an unbeliever. Likewise, in the final case,
in verses 15 and 16, it’s an unbeliever who leaves the marriage.
And so here, in verses 10 and 11, he can only be referring
to Christians in order to say as to the rest. And he’s writing
them, he says here, for the purpose of giving instructions, which
is a very mild translation of this Greek word. The word for
instructions there, it’s a military word. Directed, ordered, commanded
are some of the ways that it’s translated. We can’t conceive
of a drill sergeant, right? Giving his troops or offering
them suggestions of what to do with their day and their time.
And so command would be much more appropriate here. Paul is
setting forth orders here for married couples. He’s looking
to correct, that is, to align their conduct with the word of
God. The fact that the husband and wife were both believers
make his instruction to them all the more important. Since
this too would be an area that, if not brought to a point of
truly honoring God, would have a leavening effect on other marriages
in the church. This must be addressed. No wonder
Paul starts by addressing Christian marriage And he addresses both
the Christian wife and the Christian husband. To the wife, he says
that she should not leave her husband, and to the husband,
he says he should not divorce his wife. And there’s some question
there as to the differing language. Those two words, leave and divorce,
seemingly very different. And so we wonder, is there a
difference there? And I would suggest to you not
much. One suggestion is that the admonition to the wife is
that she must not separate from her husband, some kind of informal
separation. Well, whether it’s a formal or
informal separation short of an actual divorce is a bit of
a question there. But Paul has already dealt with
that situation back in verse five, remember? Verse five, his
command was to stop depriving one another. In other words,
end your separation. There are situations, domestic
abuse primarily, where a temporary separation may be wise and good
and appropriate. But I don’t believe that the
command is altogether different from that which Paul communicates
to the husband. The whole section is about divorce. And so, one is the more technical
word, divorce, the other functions as a euphemism for divorce, to
leave. Paul is saying the same thing
two different ways. And the fact that he addresses
the wife first here is in keeping with the fact that women had
gained the right to dissolve their marriage in secular courts.
Perhaps this is what prompted the question even to Paul. As
I said earlier, divorce was commonplace in first century Greek culture.
As a matter of fact, it was prevalent in Roman and even Jewish society
as well. According to ancient Roman law,
only the husband could file for divorce, and they really hardly
even needed a reason. One of the more refined Greek
cities, Sparta, maintained a position that a man had grounds for divorce
if his wife was unable to conceive. Shocking. But there had been
this sort of feministic uprising, and by Paul’s day, women could
file for divorce as well. And so Paul has to address them.
The wife should not leave, that is divorce her husband. But pursuit
of a divorce was much more often initiated by the husband, and
so Paul’s mirrored admonition at the end of verse 11, that
the husband should not divorce his wife. In Roman society, any
breach or even a pause of marital relations was grounds for divorce.
An agreement among Jewish rabbis regarding divorce was almost
as lax as Roman law. One rabbi, Hillel, taught that
a man could seek a divorce if his wife burned the dinner or
over salted his soup. God’s standard was much different,
wasn’t it? God holds marriage to be an unbreakable
covenant between two people. Malachi 2.16 records God’s unmistakable
declaration. I hate divorce. Harkening all the way back to
God’s blessing of Adam and Eve in the garden, as recorded in
Matthew 19, Jesus quotes, so they, that is this husband and
wife, are no longer two, but one flesh. No wonder his overarching
command with which he concludes, what therefore God has joined
together, let no man separate. God hates divorce. And that’s very clear. And so
Paul’s admonition here, both to a wife and to a husband, is
against any idea of divorce. I have to ask this question many
times in counseling. counseling, even professing Christian
couples that are contemplating ending their marriage, I’ve asked
them, why would you do anything that God hates? Well, this position
that Paul takes, he’s quick to admit, is not his own. It’s the
Lord’s, as we see in point number two, where we see not only the
instructions given But the source of the instructions, look again
at verse 10 in that very brief explanation where Paul says,
not I but the Lord. To the married I give instructions,
not I but the Lord. This is an interesting insertion
into Paul’s thought here. And it’s important that we understand
his intent here. He’s not saying that his own
words were unimportant. That argument would be disastrous
to the doctrine of the inspiration of scripture, wouldn’t it? I’ll
tell you what it’s like. Do you know when the red letter
Bible was invented? 1899. And it was kind of a gimmick
just used to sell more Bibles. The words of our Lord in red
letters. And so, About 120 years ago is
when it was invented. And for just as many years, people
have been wrangling about the relative importance about the
two different colored fonts. As if one is more inspired than
the rest. And so Paul here very similarly
is not saying that his words are not also spirit inspired. They were. Paul simply admits
that his instruction is not original. He did not invent it. But Paul
here is not worried about plagiarism. He desires only to remind believers
of the Lord’s teaching on this matter. And so he says, although
I give instructions, the source is really not I, but the Lord.
Now exactly how Paul would have known the Lord’s teaching on
this will have to remain unanswered because the gospels had not yet
been written. It’s not like Paul could thumb
through Matthew, Mark and Luke and arrive at the Lord’s teaching
on marriage and divorce. Paul could have learned these
things from what we call oral tradition. That’s how most of
the ideas were passed along prior to the writing of the Gospels.
Verbal accounts from the apostles and others. And it could very
well be that this information was granted to Paul by way of
a special revelation. Remember, he didn’t go to seminary.
He went off alone to be with the Lord for more than two years. We don’t know, but he tells us
that he did know the Lord’s position on marriage and divorce. And
so where in Jesus teaching did he address the subject of marriage
and divorce? Well, he did so plentifully in
at least three different places in the synoptic gospels. Jesus
addressed this subject Matthew chapter 5 Matthew chapter 19
Mark chapter 10, which is a parallel account to Matthew 19 and Luke
chapter 16 Could we just look at those briefly, please turn
if you would to Matthew chapter 5 Matthew chapter 5 And if you can course all the
way down to to verse 32, 31 of chapter five. And Jesus here is correcting
the Pharisees on their conveniently weak and their weak interpretation
of God’s moral law. And so Jesus will continue to
have this interplay between what God’s law said and what the Pharisees
had done with God’s law. But no more was that more prevalent
than in the area of marriage and divorce. And so in verse
31, it says, it was said, whoever sends his wife away, let him
give her a certificate of divorce. That was the big issue, and we’ll
talk more about that in a moment. But that was essentially the
position that the Pharisees had taken, that all they had to do
is have a certificate. They just wanted it to be official.
Signed document. And then verse 32, but I say
to you, this is Jesus’ correction of their attitude and behavior,
but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except
for the reason of unchastity makes her commit adultery. And
whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Those are strong
words. If you would, turn to Matthew
chapter 19. We’ll come back to each of these
passages, at least in brief, in a moment, but I want to go
through each of them very briefly. In Matthew chapter 19, start
in verse one, if you would. When Jesus had finished these
words, he departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea
beyond the Jordan. Large crowds had followed him
and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to Jesus,
testing him and asking, is it lawful for a man to divorce his
wife for any reason at all? That was kind of their attitude.
That was their practice. And he answered and said, have
you not read? that he who created them from the beginning made
them male and female and said for this reason a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two
shall become one flesh. That was God’s position on marriage
even in the garden. Verse six, so they are no longer
two but one flesh what therefore God has joined together let no
man separate. They said to him, why then did
Moses command her to give a certificate of divorce, their certificate
of divorce again? He said to them, because of the
hardness of your heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your
wives. But from the beginning, it has not been this way. And
so Jesus’ standard for marriage is elevated far beyond what the
Pharisees held it to be. And we get the final comment
in verse nine, the final one that we’ll take this morning.
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for immorality
and marries another woman commits adultery. Now, I’ll allude to
Mark chapter 10 in a moment, but it essentially is the same
with only a few characterizations there that differ. And so I would
have you turn to Luke chapter 16 only for one verse. Luke chapter
16 and verse 18. As you’re turning, as I said,
Mark 10 essentially is a near-mirror image of Matthew 19, but I will
infuse a few differences when we get there in a moment. Luke
chapter 16, verse 18, everyone who divorces his wife and marries
another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced
from a husband commits adultery. Now that’s a lot to digest, those
several passages, I know. And you probably noted that there
are similarities across the board in these verses. All of them,
except Luke, mention a certificate of divorce, official legal paperwork. Jesus was addressing the Pharisees’
cold and crass abuse of the marriage covenant. A certificate of divorce, that’s
all that hinged on dissolving one’s marriage. Just proper paperwork,
fill out the form, make sure that it’s got a stamp of approval
on it. And all four passages essentially
say, everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits
adultery. And so there are similarities, but there are also significant
differences, unique contributions in each passages. in each passage,
but what we can take away from the Lord’s teaching within these
four passages is what I would suggest to you is a four-fold
condemnation of divorce-prompted adultery. That third kind of
adultery, not premarriage, not marital adultery, but divorce-prompted
adultery. And so first, I would suggest
to you that divorce prompted adultery occurs when, as we heard
in Matthew 5, 32, and really across the board, all four of
those passages contain this sentence in some degree or another. Everyone
who divorces his wife except for the reason of unchastity
makes her commit adultery. Let’s address the exception clause
first. how Jesus says here except for
the reason of unchastity or as he later says in Matthew 19,
immorality. Jesus states the exception there
in 5.32 and 19.9, unchastity and immorality. They’re both
translations of the same Greek word, pornea. We’ve heard it
before. That’s the only reason for divorce.
Marital infidelity, adultery, One cannot divorce their spouse
at will, not over perhaps bad doctrine, not over their expensive
hobbies, not over their poor work ethic, not over the way
they treat their children, not over their alcohol abuse, not
over their arrogant and opinionatedness or any other social disorder.
There’s only one ground for divorce and that is adultery. And Jesus
adds, if someone divorces their spouse without just cause, he
makes her or him to commit adultery. How? How is that possible that
one person’s decision so influences another? Well, there’s two possible
scenarios where that could be so. The first one is there was
no just cause for divorce in the first place. There was no
adultery during marriage, but if the wife is led either to
commit post-marital adultery or engage in an unsanctioned
marriage, she commits adultery. We’ve already learned earlier
in this chapter that marriage is God’s provision for mankind,
that one of several benefits of marriage is a safeguard from
immoralities, plural. And so a lot depends here upon
the reason for divorce in the first place. Because as we’ll
see, if this is the case, if the man had an adulterous affair,
an affair that prompted the divorce, the woman would be free to marry
only in the Lord, Paul says. The man has broken his covenant
of marriage. The marriage has ended, the woman
is free to remarry. But the fearful suggestion here
is that a woman suddenly finds herself alone and single out
in the world, and that she might be inclined to immoralities because
of her suddenly single state. Even there, there’s no marital
adultery which prompted the divorce. The wife in this case is turned
out by the husband, divorced, And if she ends in an adulterous
marriage or an adulterous affair, the
husband is partly to blame. He’s placed her in a vulnerable
position with an inclination to sin. There’s a second scenario
where adultery could be possible. Perhaps the husband did commit
adultery during their marriage. It’s a justifiable divorce, but
the wife, instead of enjoying a legitimate remarriage, instead
engages in some kind of adulterous affair. It’s an equally bad situation
brought about by the husband divorcing his wife. This is the
first of many. difficult situations brought
about by divorce. And so the implication here is
that divorce is wrong because it causes the former spouse to
stumble in one way or another. But there’s a second divorce-prompted
adultery. We find that also in Matthew’s
gospel. Whoever marries a divorced woman
commits adultery. This is a different situation
than the first. In this case, a woman is divorced.
No fault is assigned at all, only her status. She’s a divorced
woman. And in this case, a man who marries
a divorced woman commits adultery. Now this can only mean that she
was divorced without cause. There was no adultery. The understanding
here is that she’s not eligible for remarriage, Both Matthew
5, 32, 19, 9, the passage in Luke, Jesus says, whoever does
so commits adultery. Remember again, the exception
for divorce, immorality, adultery. It’s not as if any divorced person
cannot be remarried. We’ve already established that.
But there are two possibilities here as to why marrying this
particular divorced woman should be forbidden. First, perhaps
the divorce was illegitimate. She’s out there and she’s divorced,
but there was no adultery in her marriage, in which case these
two people are technically, in God’s eyes, still husband and
wife, regardless of what civil government says. Worse yet, perhaps
this individual’s adulterous affair ended their marriage,
and now they’re out there waiting to ruin yet another so-called
marriage, Of course, this is not something
that women only should do or could do. Matthew and Luke both
present the case of a divorced woman, but it’s perfectly plausible
that such situation could equally occur with a man, a divorced
man for whom it would be morally wrong for him to remarry. The
implication here is that divorce is wrong because it tends to
taint a second marriage with the sin of adultery. But there’s
a third. There’s a third scenario where
divorce prompted adultery can occur, and we find that in Matthew
19. In Matthew 19, it says this,
whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another
woman commits adultery. This third scenario is recorded
by all three of the synoptic writers, Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
Matthew records Jesus’ words, whoever divorces his wife and
marries another woman, even a single woman here. More frightening still, the man
doesn’t even need to marry a divorced woman, as it says in 532, in
order to commit adultery. Both Matthew 19, Luke 16 speak
simply of a divorced man marrying a woman whose marital status
is completely undefined. Matthew and Mark simply refer
to it as another woman. Luke is even more vague, he just
simply records another. Mark, Mark further adds, and
this is my addition to the passage we read a moment ago, he says
that the man who does this commits adultery against her. That is against his new wife.
Perhaps this single, innocent woman now led into a marriage
that is illegitimate from the start. He leads her into sin. You see, for all we know, she’s
a single woman, never married, but because of his own status,
a divorced man, and to be clear, a man who is illegitimately divorced,
even if he marries a previously unmarried woman, it leads this
union into an adulterous ruin. Mark brings out a very disturbing
detail here. In 1011, it says that such a
man unjustly divorced, marrying a never before woman actually
commits adultery against her. So the implication here is that
divorce is wrong because it prohibits the opportunity for remarriage. There’s a fourth and final. This
one we take from Mark’s gospel, and it simply says this. If she,
that is a woman, divorces her husband and marries another man,
she is committing adultery. And so there’s this fourth and
final version of this malady, divorce prompted adultery. This is similar to the first.
Here a marriage ends in unjustified divorce. In this case, only Mark
records a woman divorces her husband and marries another man,
cut and dried adultery. The divorce is illegitimate.
There were no biblical grounds for divorce. There was no adultery
making any remarriage adulterous. The key difference, it seems,
between this and the second scenario is that it seems that the divorce
here is predicated upon remarriage. They’ve already got it planned.
In other words, the person divorces so that they can marry someone
else. And in this case, she thinks
she’s trading up. She thinks she’s getting someone
better. She thinks she’s getting a better situation. She’s not.
God created the institution of marriage as soon as he created
Adam and Eve. Marriage was his gift to creation
involving the leaving of father and mother and the cleaving of
one to another. And it was intended to perpetuate
through each successive generation. And in the case of Christian
marriage, a believing man is to take a believing woman in
order to maintain holiness, enjoy intimacy, seek to procreate,
and cultivate companionship. That decimates what’s going on
in our society, by the way, with homosexual marriage and all the
rest. God’s plan for marriage is that it is for the life of
the married couple. God hates divorce. And so it’s
with great alarm, perhaps, that we learn of these four differing
versions of divorce-prompted adultery. And it’s much more
common than we realized, isn’t it? The final implication is
that divorce is wrong because it makes a second marriage, in
most cases, adulterous. So Paul comes to a third point.
We’re back to Paul. We’re back to 1 Corinthians 7
and verse 11. where Paul presents here the
contingency for the instructions. Not only the instructions to
the married, the source of the instructions, the Lord, not I,
but the contingency for the instructions. What happens when things don’t
go so well? That’s what he says in verse
11, but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried. or else
be reconciled to her husband. So even if the Lord himself spoke
to the issue and commanded vehemently against divorce, still there
are those who will seek and pursue dissolution of their marriage
even though they know that it’s something that God hates. It’s to those people that Paul
speaks in that short, parenthetical, clause that is embedded there
in verse 11. But if she does leave, she must
remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. Those are strong
words. And I’ve had so many people flee
the counseling session because of that very position. Paul will
go on in verses 15 and 16 to liberate the truly abandoned
one which at least implies adultery there in that situation. Remember,
if a person’s spouse commits adultery, the divorce-abandoned
spouse is free to remarry. That’s where we’ll get there
by the end of this study. But here, Paul takes the opposite
position. And that tells us that the particular
situation to which he’s referring here, a hypothetical case where
there has been no adultery. And because there are no grounds
for divorce. Therefore, they must remain unmarried.
Because of someone, a man or a woman who has committed adultery,
suddenly finds themselves. Single, and this has brought
an end to their marriage, the only recourse is repentance.
And a nearly impossible reconciliation. But not remarriage. In the case
of someone as here, perhaps where neither party committed adultery,
there are no biblical grounds for divorce. Their only recourse,
if their natural passions are stirred, and they almost always
are, their only recourse is repentance and reconciliation with their
spouse, but not remarriage. And the form of this remedy,
this is where you as believers come in. The form of this remedy
is that such a couple be reconciled. And that suggests that other
believers have come alongside to help them in counseling and
prayer and admonition. We don’t just leave them to go.
We come alongside them and we plead with them and we show them
the scriptures, even the scriptures we just read. We pray for them
to be reconciled one to another. There isn’t enough of that that
goes on. As I suggested a moment ago, I can’t even tell you how
many times I lost count of how many times I had people with
whom I was counseling. And when we come to this portion
where divorce is not an option, Or if you do go through with
this, are you committed to remain unmarried? That’s usually when
counseling is over. Not by my choice, by theirs. If you’re preparing for marriage,
prepare for a lifelong covenant relationship. That’s God’s design. The sad thing is, Young people
do not come to a marriage, typically, thinking about the backdoor option
of divorce. They don’t think that way, and
yet almost half the marriages in our country end that way. If you’re preparing for marriage,
prepare for a lifelong commitment. Till death do us part. If you’re married, you’re in
it. You’re in it with your lifelong
partner to the very end. Divorce is not an option. Pray
for the grace of God that your marriage becomes the God honoring
beacon to others that it was designed to be an emblem of Christ’s
relationship to his bride, the church. where he loves his church
and died for his church and sanctifies that is makes her more and more
holy and glorifies his church and tenderly cares for his church. Let that be the testimony of
your marriage and you’re truly honoring God in that calling.